People always assume that I hate the holiday season. I’m not sure why this is. Maybe there’s some kind of Aristotelian syllogism going on here.
Cynical people hate holidays
Julia is cynical
Julia hates holidays
I actually don’t hate holidays and, in particular, I don’t hate Christmas. Why should I? What does Christmas have to do with me? Am I Christian? No. Do I resent the pressure of consumerism? Not nearly as much as I resent having to spend thousands of dollars on my stupid teeth, which are bad solely due to genetics. If there was a holiday celebrating genetics, I might hate that. Unless that’s my birthday, which I don’t hate, although there is something sort of tedious about birthdays. Well, the date, obviously, is predictable. It would be much more interesting if one celebrated one’s birthday on a different date each year. Although that might damage the idea of a birthday as an anniversary of one’s birth, I suppose.
I don’t hate Christmas. I actually rather like Christmas songs. They are so very insipid and silly. But catchy. Kind of like a Nelly song. Nelly should put out a Christmas song.
It’s getting hot in here
Santa says take off all your clothes
Refrain: I am getting so hot Santa! I’m gonna take off all my clothes!
Maybe not. I also don’t hate Christmas trees. I think hating a tree seems like a sign that you have too much time on your hands. Hating an evil dictator I can understand. And Christmas ornaments? Granted, I’m not a fan of stuff, especially little stuff that has no real purpose, so Christmas ornaments are not really for me, but I think they’re pretty. I asked the boy the other day, as we passed a Christmas Tree lot, if he planned to buy one. He said he was considering buying a menorah, because they are “classy.” The boy really likes candles. I do not like candles. They are too waxy and only useful on those rare occasions when the electricity goes out. The boy used to buy me candles as presents until I begged him to stop. I also put stuffed animals and plants on the list of No Buy options. I guess I am somewhat hard to buy presents for, although not if you have a lot of money. Then I’m very easy.
All this began because the one thing I don’t like about this time of year is that people say the same things over and over again. Like “Bah Humbug!” It only just occurred to me that I don’t have any idea what a humbug is. It turns out the word humbug basically means balderdash. So Bah humbug is the same as saying Bah Balderash, except less alliterative, and possibly kind of weird. Still, I think I may try it out this holiday season, if the occasion suits.